Scorpion Heart
by Xanica
Summary: Quinn is confused doesn't understand her feelings. So she takes it out on herself for hurting others and things change. *trigger warning au/angst/hurt/comfort/eventually romance; definetly not complete, won't be for a while
1. What Will Happen?

**Story Notes:**  
***TRIGGER WARNING*** This story may be a bit triggering with it being based on ***self harm*** So here is my official warning. I really hope it won't be, so if you even think it might, please please don't read this.

Currently through the eyes of Quinn. Maybe later Rachel too.  
Faberry. May later include some Brittana too.  
My first story, so go easy on me; and please leave reviews!

-Disclaimer: I do not own anything at all, ex: Glee, the characters, etc

The story is named partially after the song Scorpion Flower by Moonspell, but I thought that Scorpion Heart would be a more fit name.

**Author's Chapter Notes:**  
Just a quick ~present day~ prologue that the story will eventually get back up to.

* * *

-(PRESENT DAY)-  
=============

You sit in the tub, hazily watching the red drops fall down your arm and onto the bottom of the bathtub with a light thud. You love the sound of the dripping, being able to actually hear and know that part of you is leaving your body. The part of you that you hate. The part of you that you dread to show to certain people. The part of you that hurts others. You need to get rid of it, it's too painful to keep around any longer. Good thing you've finally, out of so many years, have thought of the best way to get rid of it. Afterall, they say that Death is the best way to get rid of all your troubles. Perhaps its time to see if it's true.


	2. Chapter 1: The Begining

**Author's Chapter Notes:**  
aight, so another brief chapter, but it is also needed. This is probably more like an actual intro chapter.  
Also, I don't know if Lucy will be a part of/exist in this story, but if she does, she changes into quinn after this happens

* * *

-(THE SUMMER GOING INTO 9TH GRADE/HIGHSCHOOL)-  
========================================

Grandpa was your lifeline. He could make any bad thing go away. When you were down, he was always there to cheer you up. You went to him for all of your troubles, and if he didn't have a direct solution, he would try his darndest to help you through it all. You didn't know what would happen if he wasn't there for you. And that's exactly what happened. The day he passed, you couldn't believe it. You /wouldn't/ believe it. It finally processed through to you when you had to go to the funeral. It then became real. Each day of that next week you grew more and more depressed, realising what a future without your grandpa would be like. No one to hold you when you had a bad day at school or when you needed to rant. No one to bake cookies with you to cheer you up or congratulate you on passing a big exam. No one to hold your hand while you face your fears. None of that stuff ever again.

Its dinner time, and nothing feels the same without grandpa there at the table, smiling at you. Everytime you look at the chair where he used to sit, you get this pain in your chest that grows and grows each time. Finally it is too much to take and you excuse yourself from the table. You burst outside and run down the street. You don't care where you're going; you just want to get the pain out and running your heart out seems to be a good plan. You're so lost in yourself that you trip on a crack in the sidewalk and fall into the grass of someone's lawn, face-down. On your way down your knee hits a sprinkler head, ripping open the skin. You roll over and inspect your knee, eyeing the small stream of blood oozing from the opening. You're suddenly mezmorized by it as you watch it trickle down your leg. It feels good; exhilarating actually. You smirk at the high it gives you. It gives you an idea, a plan for the future. You decide that the best solution for everything is to put up heavy steel walls as your guard so that no one can get through. Those walls will be your living force. One of those walls consisted of becoming something that no one will question, a position of power that scares everyone away and out of your head and feelings. And your other wall? Lets just say that things will get a bit messy from time to time when it is required.

_  
**Chapter End Notes:**  
Next chapter will be longer, I promise haha so dun worry k. Leave reviews if you want. Hopefully I'll add soon.


	3. Chapter 2: The Start Of High School

-(FIRST DAY OF 9TH GRADE/HIGHSCHOOL)-  
================================

You push open the double doors, cheer outfit on and bitch face in full force. Cheer captian is the highest on the social ladder at William McKinley High School, so you pushed yourself over the summer to achieve it, even though you are only a Freshman. Kids part and stare at you as you, Quinn Fabray, strut down the hallways, hands on hips and glaring at anyone who dares to challenge you in any way. You feel the power of the position that you now posses and the nasty smirk on your face shows just how much you enjoy seeing the other kids squirm at the sight of you.

But as you turn the corner to get to your locker, you are stopped in your tracks. There, a little further down the hallway than your locker, is girl. You don't know why, but you find her absolutly stunning. Dressed in skinny jeans that showed off her ass and a white, flowery blouse that showed a bit of cleavage, was a small bruenet pulling books out of her locker. Stareing at her you realise that this girl could possibly be the only person in the world that could break down your newly built(over the summer) walls. You decide she has to go. You can't let her in. Her looks enough are able to heat up your body and make you feel somthing. You, Quinn fucking Fabray, newly crowned HBIC, can't let some girl you haven't even met yet ruin you on the first day of school. So you need to ruin her instead.

Some jocks walk by, holding slushies and you get an evil idea. You grab one from a jock and walk down the hall to the girl. "Hey Shortstack" you yell and as the brown haired girl faces you, you throw the slushie at her. A moment later she is covered in blue slush all over her face and hair and down her white shirt. Her mouth gaping, a look of shock is plastered all over her face as she registers what just happened. Kids in the hallways who saw what happened stopped and laughed as the cold ice runs over her shirt. After about 10 seconds, she relized what just happened. She looks at you, lost and confused written all over her face, before she runs off to the bathroom to clean herself up.

That look in her sweet chocolatly eyes hurt. A lot. You were suprised that it would even affect you, but it did, somehow. The feeling of regret overtakes you, but as the bell rings, you try to shake it off. You arrive at your first period class and take a seat in the back so that you can watch everyone and at the same time no one can watch you. A couple minutes into the class while the teacher is taking attendance, you hear the door opening. You look up to see the girl that you had slushied earlier huffing as though she had run to class, her hair was somewhat wet and her shirt was still stained blue. The teacher asks what her name is and she stands up straight, puts on her biggest grin, and announces, "Rachel Barbara Berry, future Broadway star!" The class stays silent and uncaring. "Alright, please take a seat Rachel. Please don't be late next time" the teacher responds. Unfortunetly, one of the only seats open happens to be the one right next to you at your table. As she looks around and spots it, she smiles and walks towards you. You scowl as you realise what she she had decided to do: sit next to you. You, out of any of the other empty seats in the class. She looks at you, grin still on her face. "Hey look, what you did earlier was mean, but I forgive you for it. We should try to be friends!" This is not what you had in mind. Your plan was to distance yourself from her, to get rid of any sort of attraction, to downgrade her, all in order to not let her in. And then here she is, sitting next to you after being slushied, asking to be friends. You glare at her for a little while before replying with a simple but an annoyed "uhm no thanks" and then focus on the teacher for the rest of the class. Out of the side of your vision you can see the hurt in her eyes at the bluntness of the response. You don't show it visually but inside you, that look of sorrow she gave you, pains you just as much (maybe even more) than what it did to her. But you know its for the best. Once you put your plan against her and hopefully bring her down to the bottom of the social ladder, talking to her (let alone being friends with her) will not look good at all. So you decide that you'll just have to make her change her mind and not want to be friends with you by end of the school day.

By lunch time, you're pretty pissed off. You and Rachel happened to both have all the same AP classes except for one and so far in each class she had taken the seat right next to you. And each time it happened, you groaned at all the bad things that could happen from it: from secretly building up your feelings inside more and more, to wanting to bring her down because of those feelings. As you see Rachel Berry walking into the lunch room, you smirk and then nudge another cheerleader, Santanna Lopez, who was next to you. Santanna is co-captain of the Cheerios, so she has as much influence and power over the students as you do. "Hey guys, watch this" you tell the table of cheerleaders and jocks and point towards Rachel. Two jocks with slushies in their hands come out of no where and pass by Rachel, throwing the slushies on her and laughing as they continue walking. Everyone at your table snickers and you try to laugh along with them, but it is only to cover up the feeling of being stabbed in the heart when Rachel's eyes, filled with devastation, lock with yours. It only lasts for a few mere seconds before you look away because it is too much. But its too late because the damage had already been done. Her eyes water but she keeps it in before turning around and calmly walking out of the lunch room. "Haha nice job Q. The midget totally didn't see that coming her way." Santanna says, still laughing at what had just happened.

Lunch and the rest of classes somehow passed by, although it seemed like they took forever. Luckily you have no classes after lunch with Rachel. It still pains you inside from what had happened earlier, so once the final bell rings, you hurry off to cheer practice. You hope that pushing yourself during it will take off some of the steam in you thats been building up over the day. No matter how hard you run and workout, nothing is going away. You go home and hope that sleeping will be the cure. You slip into bed with a sigh and hope that things will be better tomorrow. You fall alseep almost as soon as you hit the pillow because of exhausting your body earlier at practice.

Unfortunetly, you can't escape Rachel, not even your dreams. Over and over in your mind repeats what had happened earlier: her saying that she wants to be friends with you and then the hurt in her eyes when you slushied her at lunch. You stare deep into those dark eyes full of meaning, and you see yourself reflected in them. You look sad and terrified of what you did to her. You startle out of your dream and your body bolts up. You're heaving and trying to steady your breath but it isn't working so well. You start panicking about how all these feelings around Rachel have roused you up so much, even in your sleep. Theres only one way to deal with it now. You never thought that you might actually have to do it, but you think that it is for the best in this occasion. You look at the clock and its only a few hours before you would normally wake up, so you get out of bed and hurry to the bathroom. You grab your shaver and rip the head of it apart and get the razors out of it. You sit on the cold tile, contemplating your body. Finally deciding, you take off your shirt and grab one of the razors. Bringing it to right under your ribs, you drag the metal across your skin lightly, giving you chills. You watch as barley visible trickles of blood slowly start to come up and smirk consumes your face. As you bring the razor up and let it dance heavily across your skin, your eyes have widened and you're smirking more than before and you've even start softly laughing. If anyone was watching you, they'd think that you're a maniac. You watch the scarlet liquid flood from the cuts, taking it all in. You're no longer thinking of Rachel at all; only the feeling of ecstasy that is runing through your veins. After about an hour or so of sitting on the ground with your head against the wall, looking up, eyes closed and taking in all of the greatness, you decide that it is probably best to finally get moving. Standing up, you look at the floor and realise that there is blood all over. You grab the razor and wash it off and hide it and then grab a towl and wipe up the blood. You jump in the shower, to wash the blood off of you and then smile at the damage you made on yourself before you bandage it up. You exit the bathroom and look at the clock only to see that its now a little bit after the time you normally woke up, so you do your usual morning routine of getting ready for school and then grab your stuff and head out the door. Today is going to be a great day.

_  
**Chapter End Notes:**  
If you have any ideas for the next chapters, feel free to say so in a review or pm me or whatevs. Thanks for reading.  
PS: I have the vocab of a 5 year old, but oh well.


	4. Chapter 3: Dealing With The Next Day

**Author's Chapter Notes:**  
I actually have yet to actually watch all of glee (besides the last 10 episodes of season 3), so bear with me x-x

* * *

-(SECOND DAY OF 9TH GRADE/HIGHSCHOOL)-  
=================================

Once again, you burst through the front double doors of the school, but this time more forcefully. You snarl and glare and even shove kids who are in your way into lockers. Finally you come upon just the man you were looking for, Noah Puckerman of the football team.  
"Hey Puck" you greet him with a warm smile.  
"Hey Quinn, what's up?"  
"Do you think you can do me a favor?" you ask innocently , your smile turning evilish.  
"Uhm, suuure?" he replies with a questioning look on his face.  
You tell him about a fun idea that you have and he instantly agrees with a wicked grin on his face.

First bell rings and you go to class. Sitting in the back row in a corner again you wait for Rachel to get in the room. Once she does, she instantly spots you and heads right over. "Not today RuPaul" you smirk at her and then wave down another Cheerio to take the seat next to you. Jaw slightly opened, she turns around and heads to the other corner of the classroom in the back and sits down at the table all by herself.

All during class your snuck looks out of the side of your vision at Rachel to see how she was responding to the new seating arrangement. Time passed quickly and soon the bell rang. You hurry out of the class room before her and check the hall. You notice the group of jocks holding slushies and as Rachel walks out of the room, you look at them and nod her way. They head after her and you head after behind them a bit. You lean up a locker as you watch them corner Rachel.  
"Hey you, watch out for who you decide to hang with" one of them said and then looked at the others to signal them and then they all threw their slushies of different colors all over her. She stands there, soaking wet, with her jaw gaping. She watches you as you saunter your way over to her.  
"Never sit next to me or interact with me ever again, you understand?" you ordered in her face.  
She remains silent, gulps, and then slowly nods at you.  
"Good" you turn around and head off to your next class.

The rest of the day she stares off into nowhere as she sits as far away from you as possible in your classes. Soon enough its already lunch time and you head off to the lunch room and sit at the Cheerios table. You decided to lay off the slushies for the rest of the day, since the earlier incident seemed to be sufficient enough. Rachel was nowhere to be seen; you had expected as much.  
"So Q, I heard about what you did today." Santanna says as she sits next to you. "Wish I had been there to see her face, I bet it was priceless" she laughs as she imagines it.  
"It sure was, S" you beam.  
Lunch ended and you never saw Rachel for the rest of the day. She must of figured that the best thing was to not even see you in the hallways.

Later that night as you lay on your bed, you let out a big sigh as you go over what had happened today in your mind. You recall the slushying in your mind and study what had happened. You really hadn't been paying attention at the time, and to be honest, you really didn't want to. You knew it might be something that you wouldn't want to see. But with Santanna bringing it up, you review Rachel's expression and your smile immediatly fades. After what you had said, she looked like you had just shattered her heart into a million pieces. And then in class, she looked hollow, like she no longer had any life in her. You suddenly feel ill as you take in what exactly you had done to her. Anger rises up in you. You didn't want to break her, you just wanted to make her distance herself from you. You didn't want to be involved with her in any way possible because you weren't sure what would end up happening to you. You need to be punished; and you know how. You run off to the bathroom and lock the door. You strip off your clothes and grab the razors from where you had hidden them before. You then carefully sit down in the tub and take off your bandages from before. You look at your previous marks and rub your index finger over them. Taking one of the blades, you place it on your skin. You take a deep breath in and out and then push down. Hard. You want this to be as painful as you can, to reprimand yourself for causing her pain. You need to do this. You drag the blade heavily across your skin over and over on the same spot, causing a deep gash to be created. As you watch yourself do this, silent tears fall down your face. A half an hour later, you're stareing at your fresh wound, watching the blood flood out of you. If this was any other wound, you would probably go to the hospital and get stitches. But in this case, its different. You can't let anyone else know of what you're doing to yourself, because then they won't let you do it anymore. You get out of the tub, clean yourself up, and try to make up for not having stitches by putting a couple of butterfly bandages over it and then wrapping it in some ace bandage. You then wash out the tub, get redressed, and then do some more of your schoolwork.

An hour later after finshing it all, you've started feeling tired, so you do your night time routine and then slide into bed. You fall asleep happily, knowing you've paid back to yourself of what you had done to another.

_  
**Chapter End Notes:**  
a lil short but oh well. It'll set it up for more I suppose. I swear the next chapters will be longer ok  
feel free to tell me whatcha think


	5. Chapter 4: Dealing With The School Year

-(FIRST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL [9TH GRADE])-  
=================================

The rest of the school year pretty much stayed the same. Rachel still had that far off look all the time. She was never in the lunch room anymore during lunch. From what you've heard, slushies were almost daily being thrown her way from whomever felt like doing it; you never once ordered one on her again but others took the liberty to have at her themselves. You start dating the star quarterback of the football team, Finn Hudson, which raises your status on the social ladder even more than it was before. If you were to be completely honest with yourself, deep down inside you would say that you are only using him: for the popularity and also as a cover up for any other feelings you might still have for a certain someone.

Which you definetly still have. Everyday in class you still somewhat watch her out of the corner of your eye, carefuly so that no one would ever notice. Everynight you would lay in bed, wondering so many things involving Rachel, most of them being what-if's. "What if I had just ignored the social ladder and been her friend?" "What if I didn't care about what others thought?" "What if it would of been the best decision in my life if I had agreed to be her friend?" And most importantly, "What has she done since I've shattered her? How has she delt with it? Oh God, what if she deals with it how I deal with it because she feels like she has done something wrong? She shouldn't be having those thoughts. She doesn't deserve to have those thoughts. I've ruined her mind. What if she thinks her life is not worth living anymore? Oh God. Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid. It would be all my fault. I don't know if I could live with myself if she did die. I don't know if I can even stand knowing if she feels like she should die. I can't even stand thinking about it. FUCK." Nights like these, you feel like you need to feel the pain that she is probably going through. You cut and cut until you feel satisfied at the damage to yourself.

Sooner than you've realised, its the last day of school before summer vacation. Everyone has their year books, including you even though you didn't really think it was necessary to get one. People are constantly coming up to you, asking if you can sign their yearbook or if they can sign yours. To be honest, you actually didn't really think that people getting their books signed would be such a big deal to them. But apparently the more people signed your books, the better you were, so you just went with it.

Its the period before lunch, the last class you have with Rachel. Actually, make that the last class you'll ever have with her for now unless you two happen to get sucked into the same classes again next school year. She has her yearbook out on the corner of her desk that is not really being paid attention to. You notice that it looks like it has barely been touched, unlike yours which has been in so many grimey hands you don't even know if you want to hold it without wearing gloves or something. As you stare at Rachel, you start to wonder what shes going to do over summer. After a while of wondering, you've come to the conclusion that you wouldn't even know because you know nothing about her. Which should be a good thing, but it still hurts. The bell signaling the end of the period rings, breaking your train of thoughts. Over the year you had been getting slower and slower at packing your stuff and leaving the classroom before going to lunch. Going to lunch always seemed like a chrore, something required of you as head Cheerio to attend to and watch over the other cheerleaders. So today was no different except for the fact that you were even slower than normal. Rachel had sped out of the classroom so fast that she had left behind her yearbook. You wait until even the teacher leaves and you go over to it. Opening it up and skimming through the pages, you realise that Rachel doesn't even have one person who has written in her book. You feel bad, terrible actually, knowing that it was all your fault once again. She had no friends, because of you. She was at the bottom of the social ladder, because of you. After what you had done at the begining of the year, you don't think that anyone else would of interacted with her either, for fear that you would react in some way. The guilt is filling you up. Quickly you grab a sharpie off of the teacher's desk and then open the yearbook to the page with her school picture. "Don't be afraid to be a star!" was the only thing you could think of writing. You knew that stars ment somthing to her; she would always put a star next to her name and she also bragged a bit at the begining of the year (before the rejection) about her singing abilities. So you take a wild guess and go with it. It sounds inspiring enough that you hope it'll encourage her to start being happy again. You don't sign who its from (for obvious reasons of course) but instead leave just an "xoxo" below it. Suddenly your brain clicks and you come to the realization that you're alone, in the classroom, with Rachel Berry's year book, and that she will have probably become aware of the fact that she has forgotten it and is on her way back to the classroom to get it. You close the book and put it back on the desk exactly where it had been before. You go over to the door and strain your ears to hear if theres anyone around before you make your escape. Suprised that you actually do hear someone coming, you rush to hide underneath the teacher's desk. Seconds later, the door opens and Rachel walks in. She goes over to her desk and you expect her to pick the book up and leave immediatly, but instead, she stands there for a minute. Fear races through you head: "Did she see you?" "Did she hear you?" "Does she know your're in here?" And then it hits you, you left the sharpie next to her yearbook, where it hadn't been before. You've screwed yourself over and you know it but before you can think more of it, you hear the book being picked up and it's pages being thrifted through. She stops and you know shes reached the page you wrote on and suddenly you are holding in your breath. You can't see it, but somehow you can just hear Rachel smiling, so much that it saddens you that she isn't always smiling. You feel like its probably a huge part of her, but yet another thing that you took away. She finally turns around and exits the room, leaving you alone to your thoughts. You let loose the breath you hadn't even noticed that you had been holding and hot tears start to fall down your cheeks. Maybe you could of seen that smile everyday if you had been her friend. Maybe that smile could of even been directed at you or because of you. But no, you've taken away all of her smiles. You've ruined your chance at having wonderful highschool memories. You've ruined highschool, for you and her. And most importantly, you've ruined her. And there is no measurement for the ammount of pain that you feel because of it. But even though there is no measurement, you feel like you need to add more pain. You need to, again. You slowly get up, whipe the tears from your face, straighten yourself out, and then walk out of the classroom to your locker. You've secretly stored a supplies kit in there, just incase for emergencies like this, although you haven't had to use them yet. You walk briskly into one of the bathrooms and right into a stall, locking it, and then placing the kit on top of the tank part of the toilet. You then start to strip from the top of your cheer uniform (that even today you still had to wear) and hang it over the stall door, not even thinking about if someone were to come in. Your mind is in a tunnel vision right now and has only one set of actions thought out. You open up the kit and pull the razor out and take a brief moment to admire it. Over the course of the past year, you've learned these to be your salvation. And once again it prooves that it is, as you glide the blade over your skin again and again. As you've put one of your feet up on the toilet seat and are leaning over to do this, the fresh blood starts to drip onto the floor. Suddenly the bathroom door opens and someone storms in. You've frozen in place, eyes wide in horror, and blood still dripping. The girl starts sniffling as if she is silently crying and then you hear the sound of her getting a paper towel and then turning on a faucet on and then off. You look through one of the cracks in the stall door to see a brown haired smallish girl desperatly wiping off what looks to be a yearbook. Trying to tell who it is, you look through the other crack. You gasp as you recognize that its Rachel. Hearing your gasp, she turns around to see the stall with the cheer top on it that she had been so previously oblivious to. You really hope that she hadn't seen you but quickly turn yourself to hide.

"Hello?" she calls out.

You stay silent, hoping that maybe she'll go away if you do.

"Who's in here?" she asks instead of leaving, but you still stay silent.

Suprising you, she kneels down (Possibly to look under the stall? What a perv). A loud gasp releases from her. You look down at the ground and instantly become aware of the red substance that as pooled below you. You mentally slap yourself for not paying attention to it or doing anything about it before.

"Hey, are you ok?" Rachel asks in a worried yet soothing voice.

It's probably best that you speak up so that she doesn't end up barging into your stall.  
"Yes. Now go away." you reply sternly.

"Quinn?"

Fuck. How did she know?

"Quinn? Are you ok? I see blood on the ground and I'm now getting extremely worried."

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just started my period, okay?" You open your kit and shove the razor in it, grab some of the butterfly bandages, and hastily put them on and throw away the scraps in one of the little trash bins that are normally there for used tampons. You flush the toilet and hope that she buys your excuse. You grab your top and put it on, hopeing that she wouldn't wonder why you had it off in the first place. You rush over to the sink to wash your hands and then speed out of the bathroom, leaving Rachel still in there. All you want to do is go home, so you skip the rest of your classes for the day.

Rachel analyses what she just witnessed. Quinn Fabray; bleeding in a bathroom. Of course you could of been having your period like you had said so, but Rachel didn't completely buy it. The first indication was that your cheer top was over the top of the stall door. If you were bleeding down there, why would you need your shirt off? The second indication would be when she looks into the tampon trashcan checking for a tampon, but only sees scraps of your bandages. The third indication would be box ontop of the toilet tank. Your kit. You had accidently left it behind in your hurry. Rachel carefully opens it. "Oh my God." Blood splattered the inside of it because you weren't able to wash off the razor and you hadn't bothered to wipe it off on something either. She gets a bit of toilet paper (to be safe) and picks up the razor almost completely covered in blood. "Oh Quin..." she starts softly to herself, her face full of worry and concern; "...Why are you doing this?"

_  
**Chapter End Notes:**  
So yarp, there we go. A bit longer this time. I know I've probably repeated myself a fair ammount of times between the chapters, but ugh oh well.


	6. Chapter 5: The Begining Of Summer

**Author's Chapter Notes:**  
I really cant speak/write rachel berry chat, so please excuse my lack of being in character with her :[ actually I don't think quinn nor rachel will be much in character... eugh oh well .

* * *

Finally summer comes along. For once you get to relax. No more having to deal with Rachel, for now at least. For winter vacation you pretty much stayed to yourself the entire time, not wanting to go out with others or see Finn or anything. This vacation will probably be the same, although you may get out more because its not freezeing cold. You still have cheer camp for a good portion of the summer time though, so you have to make these first few completely free weeks count. Its halfway through the first week and you don't really have any plans yet, but you do need to restock on your supplies for when school restarts again. Accidently leaving your kit at school was a terrible mistake; What if someone found it? And now you won't be able to use anything from in it. You were also needing to pick up some gauze and dressing, knowing that Coach will be working you extra extra hard and you really don't want your wounds opening up in front of everyone. Time to do some shopping at CVS.

So its late afternoon and you're standing there, in an isle, arms full of different dressings and bandages, forehead scrunched at the wall of all the medical supplies. You're starting to get a headache, and are regretting the fact that you hadn't bothered to look up what they had before you left the house. Then you just happened to hear a noise and look to your left to the main aisleway of the store. Oh, you definetly regretting looking. Standing right there is one Rachel Barbra Berry looking at you. You let out a sigh and then turn back towards your first problem. You really don't need to deal with her asking about the last day of school. She skips towards you.

"Quinn!"

"Oh great..." you mummble so she doesn't here.

"Heeyy.." you say shakily. Ok so, you're only a little worried that she might ask. Only a tad bit.

"What a suprise to see you here! I know I'm not supposed to talk to you at all or anything, but I figured since we're not in school right now that I'd come over and say hi! So how is your vacation going so far?"

"Its been uhm, pretty good so far I suppose. Uhm...haven't really done much yet. Coach Sue wants us at cheer camp in a couple weeks though, so I'll be busy with that soon."

"Oohh I see, that sounds fun. Whats with all the bandages and stuff?" she asks as she points to what you have piled up in your arms.

"Itsforcoach" you spit out in a jumble. You had been rehearsing that phrase in your mind since you left the house incase if someone did ask you, whether it be someone that you knew or your parents.

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry, uhm, its for Coach. She wants to make a first aid kit for camp. I have a feeling she won't be going easy on us." you give a nervous laugh at the thought of it.

"That sounds like its going to be a whole lot of fun. Good luck out there!" she gently places her hand on your shoulder briefly before taking it off.

"Thanks, I guess"

"So I guess I'll see you around then huh?"

"Maybe..." you grummbled, barley loud enough for her to hear.

"Bye Quinn!" she says before she skips away.

"Bye..."

You need to get out of there, quickly. You decide to just get the cheapest bandages and then head over to the shaver area. You look around, checking to see if Rachel is anywhere nearby. You really don't need her to jump on you about anything. You quickly grab a few bags of 12 Bic plastic shavers. They're easy to break and very cheap. You rush off to the checkout, not noticing that Rachel was waiting for you and watching from a distance. You head over to the self check out. A bunch of bandages and bags of shavers looks pretty suspicious, and you really didn't want anyone bothering you about it. They all have out of service signs hanging on them. Just great. You sigh and head over to one of the cashiers. Just as you expected, the cashier woman eye'd you when you put all your stuff you were carrying down onto the counter. You give her a nasty glare, hopeing that it will silence her about it. Luckily it does during the process. You grab your bags and turn around and start to walk towards the exit, but she stops you in your tracks when she says "Have a better day, Miss."

Better. She said better. She said it in a way as if your life was one big horrible mess and so you cut to feel better. You turn around on your heels.

"I'm sorry, what did you just say?" you questioned her, starting up your bitch mode.

"I said I hope you have a better day." she responded sternly.

"Yeah? A better day? Do you say that as if you know exactly what kind of person I am? A person who has bad days? Doesn't everyone have bad days?" You're absolutly pissed at this lady. Who does she think she is? "I bet you often go home and get beaten up and end up crying yourself to sleep almost every night. Yes? No? I don't know you based on the bruises you try to hide, so don't act like you know who the fuck I am!" you seeth. And so with that, you turn around and storm out of the store.

Rachel contimplates on whether she should go after you or not, but eventually runs out of the store after you. You feel a hand on your shoulder and you whip around "WHAT" you yell. You see Rachel standing there, eyes wide in terror. You can't take dealing with her. Not now. You turn back around and head for your car at a fast pace, giving her trouble at keeping up with you.

"Quinn! Please stop for a moment, I want to talk to you about this" she begs.

"No, go away" you reply sternly at her.

"Please Quinn, I'm here to help if you need it!"

"I don't need it! I'm fine!" Your anger is starting to boil again.

"No you're not fine, and I know it. Please let me help you!" she pleads.

You're at your car by this time and so you turn around suddenly. "I SAID NO" you fumed. You unlock the car and shove your bags in the back seat and then get in the front, slamming the door. You hastily back out of the spot and drive away, your mind still in a rage. You drive to an old park that seems currently abandoned. You scramble out of the car and into the field. You scream out your rage at the top of your lungs, hunched over and then falling on to your knees. You place you hands on your face as a sob wrecks your body and your body violently shakes as tears flood out of you.  
You can't believe what had happened. You basically in a way, told Rachel the truth of what you've been doing. You pushed her away harshly, and you don't know what she'll think of your outburst. What will she think of you? Will she go tell everyone else that the school HBIC is a weak, pathtic, self-harmer? Will she go tell some adult who could "help" you? Someone who could and would stick you in a hospital? Who knows what she'll do... and thats only one of the big issues. The other is if or how she will recover from your outburst. Will she hate you for yelling at you? Will she hate you for hurting yourself? Will she drive herself crazy out of worry for you? Your mind is racing, and you can't stop it all.

An hour and a lot of rocking yourself later, you finally get up and go back to your car. You drive home, eyes glazed over, mind numb. You want to cut, but you just can't . Still dazed and slightly rocking, you get ready for bed. You crawl into bed and just stare at the ceiling for the longest time, thinking of nothing, before you finally close your eyes and instantly fall asleep.

_  
**Chapter End Notes:**  
yay me woo, dont I write like Im an english major, huh ~~~


	7. Chapter 6: The Rest of Summer Break

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

I actually have no clue if this will even stay on path. I know I have plans for after hs so thatll def be made up. ughufirlhew idk anymore guys. need some direction here cuz Ive actually decided to not watch glee, so I'll read some summaries of some stuff that happens and what I'll write will be loosely relative to that

* * *

After what had happened with Rachel last week, you were tormented with the same thoughts of her over and over again. You're tired of it; you've definetly had enough and it was now time to rid yourself of them. You once again need to plan against Rachel; this time incase she tries to confront you again about what happened in the store. You need to build your walls up high and thick in order to force her to back off. And what better way to do that than have the addition of the co-HBIC Santnna Lopez to your team against Rachel. She already had hatred against the girl, which when added to your ideas will cause udder destruction. She'll turn your bitch mode into anyone's worst nightmare. You know it'll hurt Rachel, which will ultimately end up hurting you too, but you need to do it, for your sake and hers.

You move yourself from your laying position on your bed to reach over and grab your phone off of the nearby nightstand. You flip through your contacts until you finally found Satan and his send. After a few rings, she finally picks up.

"What" she answers plainly but with an annoyed tone.

"I have a project for you that I just /know/ you'll want to do." you reply darkly with a deep smirk growing on your face.

For the next couple of weeks you hang out with Santana almost consistantly in order to secretly build your walls up. A lot of the times Brittnay S. Pierce, a Cheerio and childhood friend of Santana, would be present too. Together, you eventually came up with the most perfect, devastating idea.

Finally, cheer camp starts, meaning that football camp starts too. Its right before pratice when you, Santana, and Brittnay decide to go up to the football boys that were just messing around with each other.

You clear your throat. "Hey boys," you say seductively, getting their attention. "We have a little project that we think you guys would enjoy helping us out with."

After going over your plan with the guys who thought it was wicked, you start to enroll them, asking what each of them could do and assigning them jobs. You then set the date for it to happen on the day before school starts, after pratice. Your body hummed with the excitement of thinking about what will go on that day.

Before you know it, the day for Rachel Berry to be doomed has come upon you. You wake up, remembering what today's date is, and start laughing to yourself. Today will be fun.  
You grab your cellphone, ready to set the first part of the plan into motion. You dial up Rachel's number which you had someone find for you. The phone rings 3 times before being answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey Rachel" you greet her.

"Who is this?" she asks.

"Its Quinn. I was wondering if we could meet up at the park this afternoon so I can discuss with you what will be happening this school year." You already know her answer. You know shes probably been wanting to talk to you all summer, desperatly wanting to know what is up with you. But you have no intention of even bringing it up.

"Yes, sure, of course. What time?"

"How about 7pm? Camp runs pretty late, so it'll be right after it. I'll be at the lunch table near the front." you state.

"Ok, I can probably be there then."

"Great. See you then!" you say with a fake happy tone and then hang up. Step one, complete.

Being the last day of cheer camp, you and Santana push the other Cheerios extra hard, building up your egos in preperation for later. You can't wait.

By the time you dismiss the other cheerleaders, its late afternoon. After changing out of your uniforms, you gather up a few of the boys, along with Santana and Brittnay and pile up into the back of a van. The rest of the guys will meet you at the destination spot to get everything set up for when you arrive. Once near the park, you tell the driver to stop there and wait. You get out of the van and walk a litte father to the park in order to not cause suspicion. You look around, not seeing Rachel, so you sit down on the top part of the table, feet on the bench, while you wait. A few minutes later you see her approaching. Shes dressed in some jean shorts, a v-neck t-shirt, and a huge smile.

"Quinn I'm so glad you wanted to meet up with me." she tells you as she reaches you.

"Whatever. Lets walk." You get up off the table and head for the side walk. Up ahead you see the van that had slowly crept closer up to where you are. Rachel follows you, walking next to you on the side closest to the street. As you keep stareing ahead with a blank look on your face and you walked, Rachel watches you while filled with what looks like concern for why exactly you wanted to meet. She lets out a sigh.

"Quinn..." she looks at you.

Still looking ahead of you, you plainly say "No."

As you approach the van, you secretly release a small smirk on your face. Right as you are walking next to the van, the back seats door suddenly slides open and two of the football players grab Rachel. Shes small enough so they have no problem trying to restrain her when she attempts to struggle her way out of the boy's tight grip on her while she gets tied up in rope, a piece of ducktape is slaped over her mouth, and a thick bandana covers her eyes. You burst out into a laugh as you jump into the car and the door is slammed shut.

-  
**Chapter End Notes:**  
bwahaha cliffhanger and I know its also a short chapter, but don't worry, I'll hopefully write the rest of it tomorrow since I already have it all planned out in my head but Im too tired to finish typing it up but also just wanted to post something since its been a couple days. and then I just decided to split this whole thing into two chapters so ya. woo~


	8. Chapter 7: Rachel's Dooms Day

**Author's Chapter Notes:**  
If you really don't want to read this, go down to the bottom and I'll give a brief summary of the important facts  
-

After about a half hour of riding in the van, Rachel tied up, and you and Santana giggling at your whispered conversations, the car comes to a stop. You slide open the door, the cool night's air ambushing you after being so stuffy. As the jocks pile out of the vehicle with a struggling Rachel, you take the time to look at your surroundings. The sun has fallen enough so that the sky is dark, but still slightly bright. You breathe in the fresh air and you're overcome with the smell of the animals in the barn a little farther in front of you. The other boys are already there and seem to have finished setting everything up. You turn around to the guys holding onto Rachel.

"This way. Hurry up." you order before turning around again and head off towards a short wood fenced off area to the side of the barn. As you get closer, you can see that there is a decently sized pig in the pen, not a baby but not a full grown adult. Right next to the pen, a thick steel pole has been placed deeply into the dirt.

"Tie her to the pole." You wait until she is firmly attached before you take off her bandana that had been blinding her and rip off the tape that had been preventing her from screaming.

"Hello Rachel" you greet her with a small, somewhat gentle smile.

"Why am I here? What are you doing?" she sputs out.

"You'll see." Your smile turns into a smirk. "You're vegan right?"

"Uhm..Ya?" she answers cautiously.

"Excellent." You clap your hands together. "I suppose we should start this now, then." You turn around to the group that had gathered in a circle around the pen, facing Rachel.  
"Cameras and equipment ready?" you ask. A boy pulls out some cameras and comes up to you and hands one to you, Santana, and one of the other football players. You focus on Rachel while the other guy focuses on the pig and Santana focuses on everyone else. Another one of the boys from the group goes over a grabs an axe that had been leaning against the barn and then steps over the fence and into the pen. Rachels eyes widen as she watches him.

"Rachel, do you know whats going to happen?" you question calmly with a straight face. Worry starts to spread across her face as she stays silent, stareing at the animal infront of her. You move to angle yourself so you can see pig and Rachel's face but keep the camera focused on her.  
"You" you point at one of the guys, "Come here and hold her eyes open" you demand. He scurries over to you and does what hes told.  
"You can start now" you mention to the guy in the contained area. He grips his axe, ready to swing at the pig, but waits. You watch Rachel immediatly start to panic as she realises at what she is going to be watching. You quietly laugh to yourself at her reaction. You glance back over to the boy, his axe still in ready but not moving.  
"Go on already" you order, the annoyance in your voice obvious. He still stays frozen. "Oh goodness, looks like I'll be doing this myself. Get out of there." He hurries over the fence and you exchange the camera for the axe. You leap over the wood and nudge the pig a bit closer to Rachel and then get on the side of it so you can face her. You close your eyes as you breathe in deeply and roll your neck and shoulders. You're forcing yourself to do this, but you have to. You need to make something so tragic happen in her life; break her. Because hopefully only then will you be able to escape her. But in order to do that, you must put aside part of you: your morals and fear. You must be strong to do this.

After a minute of working yourself up so you can do the task, you open your eyes. A wide smile spreads across your face as you take a quick glance at Rachel. You raise the axe. You use your strength as you slam the weapon down into the animal. You're so used to seeing yourself bleed, that you grin as the pig squeals in pain as it is brought into the ground and blood starts to drain from its body. You glance up at Rachel and see her eyes start to tear up. You look back down and raise the axe again. You slam it down once again into the pig, splattering some of it's already leaking blood around it, including on yourself. You start to become hysterical, psychotic; laughing as you bring the axe repeatdely into the pig, more and more splashing everywhere. The kids that had been circled around, quickly moved farther away as you grew insane. By now, Rachel is full out sobbing, her body visibly shaking. Your arms are staring to go numb from all the strain of pounding. You drop the axe to the ground and then bend down next to the pig. You grab a handfull of it's blood and then stand up and walk up to Rachel. You smear the blood all over into her shirt, arms, shorts, legs. You wipe it on her face: over her lips so she'll end up tasting it, under and on her nose so she'll be smelling it, and everywhere else. You stand back and take in the sight in front of you. Devestation, but not entirely broken yet.  
You smirk as she stares at you and so you get close to her and then bring your hands up to your face. You glide your tongue across your hands, while watching for her reaction. Right then, it happens. She breaks. You can tell because her face and head relax and her eyes go dull and empty, gazing off into nothing. You let out a roaring laugh at your accomplishment of her defeat. You turn around to the group. You notice that some of the kids have their phones out, recording what had happened.

"We're done here now" you announce to them. You collect the three cameras before everyone heads for the cars that were on the street, leaving you alone with Rachel. You know you can't just leave her here, so you reach into her pocket with her phone and take it out. You search for her dad's number and hit send.

"Hello?"

"Pick up your daughter at the Mullocks barn." You hang up before he can say anything about your information. You put her phone back and then untie her binds and slowly glide her down the pole since she has seemed to lost the feeling of her legs. You gently lean her against the metal to keep her upright. You stand up and inspect your damage, before you walk past her to the street. You had left your car here when you staked out the place earlier with Santana and rode the way back with her. You open up the trunk where you had put towels and a change of clothes. You really didn't need your parents to see you come home soaked in blood. You clean yourself up the best that you can and then get into the car. You don't bother to wait until Rachel's parents get to her, and you drive off back to Lima.

By the time you get to your house, its gotten pretty late; almost 10. You park your car, leaving the bloody mess in the trunk but grabing the cameras, and sneak inside the house, hopeing your parents won't notice. You missed dinner, but you aren't hungry right now at all. You quietly head upstairs to your room and lock the door once inside. You turn on your computer and take the memory cards out of the cameras. You transfer the videos to your computer and then start to upload them online for everyone to see. While you wait, you grab a pair of sleep clothes, and rush off to the bathroom. You get into the shower and stand in the blazing hot water, letting it soak in as you breathe slowly and try to calm yourself down. You need to bring back your sanity; ground yourself and become stable again. A while later after finally sussceeding, you finish up in the shower and get out. Once done in the bathroom, you head back to your room where you see that the videos are done being uploaded. You let out a light, tired smile and then turn off your computer and get into bed. You're tired but you can't sleep. You stare at the ceiling for the rest of the night.

**Summary:**Quinn treats Rachel to a vegan nightmare and tramatizes her. Its recorded and then put online for everyone to see.

-  
**Chapter End Notes:**  
ya I know this is sick but I needed something really really tramatic to happen and then I remembered that rachel is vegan ok. D: itll be getting back to how it was in a bit.  
Ive realised I sorta turned this into an AU, so ya. I got dis all planned out though. please dont get mad at me, this was a necessary part of story ok! its a build up for the future events. so for the next 2-3 chapters you cant be angry with me ok :( but dont worry cuz things will be happenin'.  
also, I was so tempted to make Quinn start yelling BACONNNN TASTE THE BACON RACHEL. FEEL ITS SUPREMECY. or something lololol ya ok that was sick, nvm


	9. Chapter 8: Begining The 2nd School Year

**Author's Chapter Notes:**  
excuse me if some of this makes no sense, (ex: she didnt has no it is fun.) or something of that sort. I kind of kept falling asleep while writing this D:

* * *

-(FIRST DAY OF 10TH GRADE/2ND YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL/SOPHOMORE)-  
=============================================================

As you stride down the hallway, eyes cautiously look your way. You smile as take notice of some kids showing others what was probably your video, on their phones, quickly spreading it around to the entire school. A couple of the other cheerleaders would snikker while watching the video and then throw a compliment your way as you passed. The first bell rings and everyone scurries off to their new classes. You enter your first class and take a seat near the back again. You stare out the window with your elbow on the table and your head resting on your hand, mind wandering while the teacher takes roll.

"Mari Derfu?"  
"Here."  
"Richard Smith?"  
"Here."  
"Rachel Berry?"  
You snap out of your haze as you hear the name. You didn't see her in the class so you figured it ment that she isn't in it. You should of known better since you were both previously in advanced classes and got high grades. So here you are, listening to the teacher call for one Rachel Berry, but only getting silence in return. She must of decided to not even show up today, despite it being the first day of school. Good choice.

The ringing of the bell for the next class startled you out of your thoughts. You leave the classroom and start down the hall to your 2nd period class until Finn comes out of nowhere.

"Hey Quinn" he greets you.

"Hey you. I missed you over summer" you lie. You really hadn't. You had almost forgotten about him actually.

"Ya, I did too. Actually, I was wondering... Do you even still like me? I know you were really busy over the summer but you didn't even want to hang out at all."

"Of course I still do. Why are you even asking that? ... Are you trying to break up with me?" you question him, a small spark of anger lighting up in you.

"Uhm, ya I kind am huh." he looks slanted at the floor, his hand scratching the back of his head.

"Wow. Ok. Go have fun being a loser like that then." you scoff before walking your way past him and leaving him behind.

Once again before you know it, its lunch. You claim the Cheerios table and watch as some of the other kids look lost as to where they should sit. You see Finn off in another corner with some of the football guys. You watch as girl walks up to him with a warm smile on her face and asks to sit with him, which he accepted. What is he doing? She was some lower nerdy white girl; why would he want her to sit with him? Was he trying to piss her off on purpose? Once people realise that hes given you up for some dweeb, everyone will think that you're the loser instead of him. Ugh. All you want right now is for this day to end already; too many emotions have risen up in you that you really didn't expect to end up having today.

"Whoa, whos that piece of white chalk sitting with Hudson?" Santana slides into the seat next to you.

"I have no clue, but they're being overly friendly." you respond.

"Ok whoa hold up. Is he cheating on you?"

"No because he broke up with me." you say in annoyance as you stare at him.

"What a douche. I hope it ruins his reputation."

"I'm actually more worried about mine..." you trail off.

"Don't worry Quinn, you'll be fine" Brittany perks up. You totally hadn't noticed her there and it startled you a bit.

"Thanks Britt" you give a small smile in response.

The rest of the day's classes are pretty much the same as always: boring. But you're still upset about Finn and that girl. You're not jealous, you're just uncertain of what will happen to you when others find out of your breakup.  
During cheer practice after school, you channel your emotions into the exercises and rude commands at the other cheerleaders. By the time you're done, you're exhausted, physically and mentally. You drive home and then routinely shower, eat, and get ready for bed. You decide to turn your computer and check the videos you had put up last night. Comments after comments filled up the page, harassing Rachel. "What a scare'd little bitch she is." "Thats what she gets for being vegan." "Great job on pulling this prank off on her. I don't think anyone could beat this, but we'll try! Lets think of other things we can do to her." "How about egging her house?" "Even better would be actually egging her." The conversations and ideas and insults against Rachel go on and on and on, so you stop reading right there. You turn off your computer and hop into bed. You lay there for a while, thinking about what could happen if Rachel showed up at school tomorrow, before you finally drift off to sleep.

* * *

-(SECOND DAY OF 10TH GRADE/2ND YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL/SOPHOMORE)-  
===============================================================

It was early before school but you want to be there so you could run on the track for a while, trying to let all your thoughts escape as you push yourself. After a while, you give up and head for the locker room to take a shower. Once done and changed, you head off to your school locker to drop off some of your books. As you stroll down the hall, you pass the principals office. You hear a loud arguing man inside and so you stop right outside the door to eavesdrop.

"I will not and cannot accept what has happened to our daughter! An atrocious act has happened to her and you won't do anything about it? You won't punish the kids who mentally scar'd our child? What kind of principal are you."

"I'm sorry but I cannot take any action without someone confessing about it." you hear Principal Finnigs.

"This is redicilous..." you hear pacing.

"Hey, it'll be ok. Someone who was there will feel guilty soon enough and spill their guts on what happened." you hear another man say, trying to soothe the upset one.

"They better, or I will rip their guts out and hang them out in the sun of a desert to dry!" he responsed in an uproar. Just from his words, you're already afraid of this man.

"Daddy, its ok. You don't need to do anything..." you hear a girl say softly.

"Rachel, I'm not going to let who did this to you get away with it! I cannot stand to see you like this."

Rachel. He said Rachel. Shes in there. Those are her fathers. And from the sound of it, her dad may want to slaughter you, but Rachel only sounds sad, dissapointed even. Dissapointed in you? Perhaps you traumatized her more than you had wanted. But the way she said that they didn't need to do anything to you makes you think that maybe she knows that you'd actually do something.

"Just please don't do anything to them if you find out who it is" she begs sadly.

It hurts to know that even after what you did to her, she doesn't want anything to happen to you.

"Why won't you tell us who did it?" the calmer man asks.

"Because I don't want you to lay it out on them because there is so much more to it. I just know it ok."

It hurts to know that she cares for you. It hurts so much because you know you aren't deserving of her care, of anyone's in fact. This wasn't supposed to happen. She wasn't supposed to respond this way. Maybe this was all just a mistake, maybe you went too far and in the end prooved to her that your problems are real, and thats why she seems so dismissive of what happened to her and instead is focusing on why you did it, what you had to channel to go through with it, the feelings deep inside of you.

You can't stand this. You can't listen and know anymore that what you have already. You run back to your locker. For some reason, in the back of your head, you decided to have brought a kit with you to school yesterday to store in your locker. You aren't sure why; you didn't really think you'd need it anymore anywhere, at least not at school. But something had been nagging you deep down inside, so you made it and stuck it in your bag and then hid it in your school locker. You shove the rest of your books inside and then grab the kit and rush off to the bathroom. You get into a stall and open it up on the top of the metal toiletpaper box. You take off your cheer top and throw it ontop of the door. You take a blade out, gazing at it while you admire it's beauty. A causer of destruction but also so much relief. You rest the flat side of it on your chest, feeling the coldness of it's metal, giving you chills. You move the blade so it's edge is on your ribs, and drag it along your skin, hard. But in the middle of your slice, you hear the bathroom door open. Damnit, why do you always have the worst timing. Its still before the time that people usually start arriving at school; almost no one should be here right now. You listen as her feet stop, but then rush to infront of your stall.

"Quinn?"

Rachel. You should of known.

"Quinn?" she repeats. "Are you there?"

"Go away, leave me alone" you plead, sounding annoyed.

"No. I refuse" she declared.

"Why are you even in here" you question.

"Because its a bathroom" she says as though its obvious.

"Go use another then."

"Why don't /you/ use another bathroom if you're so bothered by me being here?" she counters stubornly.

"Fine." You're absolutly pissed off. Why does this have to happen to you. Why isn't punishing you by yourself enough for Karma?

You get a gauze* and lightly wrap yourself up hastily before putting your top back on. After quickly shoving your kit back together, you grab it and barge through the stall door, hoping to get away before she can say anything. She prevents your escape by grabbing your arm from behind and turns you around to face her.

"Quinn." she says, her face serious. "Give it to me."

"No." you respond sternly.

"Quinn." she says again, her eyes fierce.

"Why don't you ever understand? No means no!" you yell before you yank your arm out of her grasp and sprint out of the bathroom, not stopping until you got to football field's bleachers and hid under them. As you stand hunched over, trying to catch your breath, you wince at the pain on your chest. You partially take your top off only to see that you've bled through the bandages, probably from over exerting yourself. But it doesn't matter. You take off the blood soaked cloth and throw it to the side, not really caring at the moment if someone finds it. You only have one thing in mind again. You take the previously used razor, wipe it off, and then slowly slide it across your skin, taking in the feelings: the relief, the comfort, the feeling that everything is or will be ok.

After a while, you hear the school bell ring, signaling to go to first period. You really hadn't been keeping track of time. You wrap yourself up well and then fast walk to your locker to get your books and hide your kit. Luckily no one had seen you, but it also ment that you'd be a minute or so late to class. You enter the classroom, all eyes focusing on you, so you say a quick quiet "sorry" and then go to your seat. On the way, you spot Rachel out of the corner of your eye. Shes watching you, probably knowing that you had continued to cut somewhere else, and then feeling guilty that she couldn't help you. But you don't need anyone's help, especially her's since what you do to yourself is mostly caused by your reactions to her. Having her help would make everything so much worse; you can't afford to let her in, so you won't.

About 10 minutes into the class, the PA speakers click on.

"Students" Figgins starts. "I have been informed about a very lewd act that had been cast upon one of our students."  
Everyone in the class slightly turns and eyes Rachel; they all know that she is the student that the principal is talking about.  
"If anyone has any information or would like to confess, please see me in my office during any free period." the PA clicks off.  
Everyone then slightly turns to you too, and you give them all hard glares, dareing them that if they tell on you, their fate will be in your hands.

"Ok class" the teacher interrupts the awkward tension of the silence. She continues to dicuss what you're going to be doing in class, but no one is paying much attention. Some are whispering and giggling to each other, probably making Rachel the butt of their jokes. Others are texting, possibly to spread the word to not talk to Figgins or possibly to also make fun of Rachel too.

Class ends but in the hall, the kids still acted the way they were in your class. Although Rachel is walking way ahead of you, you could hear laughter from the people she walks by. She must of been the butt of all their jokes because even by lunch, it doesn't seem to have died down at all. As you're sitting at your usual table, one of the football players from a huddled group of boys comes over to you.

"Hey Quinn." He was one of the guys that was with you the other night. "We" he points him thumb back at the group of guys behind him "would like to know if you want to join us after school to do another prank on Berry. We're going to wait 'till she gets to her car and then egg her." his grin showing his excitement at his group's idea.

"Sorry but I have cheer pratice after school and Coach would kill anyone who ditches, so its best if I don't join you." Although its true, you also just don't want to do the egging.

And honestly, you don't think you could even stand watching it happen to her.

"Ok ya, we don't really need your coach murdering you, so I guess we'll have to do without" he acknowledges. "See you around then." He goes back to his table.

The rest of the day was pretty much the same as the first portion; people were still obviously talking about Rachel. At cheer, you push yourself hard, which results in feeling like you most likely riped your wounds open. You wait behind until all the other girls leave before showering and changing. You walk out to your car and get in and just sit there, not really thinking at all, your mind blank. After a long while you start the engine and drive away. Once home, you turn on your computer and go online. Someone had recorded the egging and uploaded it. Rachel has this look of absolute terror all over her face. It was wrong, so very wrong. You know that what you did was wrong too, but there was a different sort of meaning behind it rather than just for fun and laughs, and Rachel knew that and had decided to accept it. You have no clue why though; you aren't deserving of it at all. She should hate you, loathe you for making her life so miserable. Nothing makes much sense anymore.

You go to bed with those thoughts running over and over again in your head. Somehow you eventually fall asleep.

.  
**Chapter End Notes:**  
ya sorry this took so long to get out. for some reason I only really like to write at night, but I kept falling alseep :( next chapter is a big event, perhaps I'll get it out before I'll be busy for a week.


	10. Chapter 9: Quinn's Dooms Day

**Author's Chapter Notes:**  
this was a little hard to write, so bear with me

* * *

-(THIRD DAY OF THE NEW SCHOOL YEAR)-  
==============================

You wake up only realise that you've slept in later than you should of. You barley make it to school a few minutes before the first bell rings. You once again sit in a back seat of the class, which you've claimed as yours. Around 20 minutes later, you see Rachel sneak in and hand the teacher a note before sitting down. She looks so out of it, eyes glazed over and gazing into the distance at nothing. She stays like this the rest of the class, not even taking notes or paying attention to the teacher at all. The period ends and the hallways fill up quickly. As Rachel is walking to her next class, two jocks come up to her. She stops briefly before they throw their red slushies on to her but then starts walking again, totally unphazed. One of the guys mutters "Weirdo..." before they leave. You watch it all happen, how she doesn't even seem care anymore about anything. Next period you realise that she changed into her PE clothes. The classes after that, they looked a bit wet as though she got slushied again, but she was still wearing them.

You've broken her, you just know it. You hadn't actually ment to completely break her, but the involvement of other kids from the school doing more stuff to her must of done it. Perhaps her seeing you when you were abusing her made her somehow able to handle it. But when you weren't there and you weren't part of the abuse, it actually hurts her when they laugh at her, call her names, throw slushies, prank her, and such. It really hits home for her then, rather than being able to ignore it with you. And after all this time, you still have nothing close to an idea of why she does it. What you've done to her was so wrong and it caused a chain of wrong behavior that has seemed to have left her in a state of mind that no person should ever have to be in. This is your fault, all your fault. You ruined her life. She may never go back to how she was before high school. As you review your actions during your classes, your guilt builds more and more, pushing your mind's limits. You snap, right as the bell for lunch rings.

You wait until the halls clear before you head to Figgin's office. You knock on the door, hear a "Come in." and then do so. You take the seat in front of his desk that he is currently still busy doing paperwork on.

"Sir, I would like to confess to the abuse of Rachel Berry." His head snaps up and he looks confused, so you continue. "I am the one that bought the pig and then slaughtered it infront of her, a vegan. Its my fault that shes now also being abused in school too. I will take whatever punishment you decide to lay on me, only if you keep this quiet. Don't tell anyone that it was me that came to you, or any of the details."

"Miss Fabray, I am very upset to know that it was your doing, but I will respect your wish to keep this just to us. Although you have admitted to doing it yourself, you will still have to be expelled. I'm very sorry to do this, but it is the rules."

You nod in acknowledgement because you knew what you had coming your way, just not exactly what. You parents are going to flip, but you don't really care. Whatever your parents would have in mind for you will probably not even be close to what you'll be doing to youself, so it won't matter what they or anyone else does to you. Figgins fills out the paper work for your expulsion from William McKinley High School while you sit in silence.

"I'm very sorry Quinn" he says with a slight frown on his face as he hands you the papers.

"I am too" you reply. You take them and leave his office and head to your locker. There, you rip off part of a piece of paper, grab a pen, a write "I'm sorry" in neat cursive letters before you fold the paper in half. You wander down the hall to Rachels locker and slip it in. When you let out a sigh, it is only then that you realise that you had been holding your breath all the way there. You turn and go back to your locker and completely empty it out. As you pass the auditorium on your way out of the school, you hear a girl singing. You stop and put your ear to the door. Angels. Thats what it sounds like. The singing voice of an angel. You so desperatly want to go in and see who's it is, but you fear that you'll interrupt her. You stand there, hypnotized by her sounds, forgetting what you were going to do. As the song ends, so does the voice, and you fade out of your trance. You realise that you had been standing there for a long time so you hurry away outside to put your stuff into your car and grabbing a bag that you happened to bring with you. You weren't sure when you would need it, but you had put it in there anyways incase you decided to do what you did today. You travel over to the girl's sports locker room where you have your cheerleading stuff and change out of your Cheerios uniform and into some simple normal clothes that you had in the bag. You neatly hang up your uniform and tidy up the locker before you close it and leave. Coach will be furious at you for being kicked out, but oh well. On your way out to the car you hear the intercom turn on and Figgins annouces that he no longer needs any information about the prank and that the correct punishment has been served. You sigh and get into your car, but you just sit there, stareing at the paper you had put in the passenger seat that officially marks your expulsion. You aren't sure what your parents will do when they find out. You're afraid of what your dad's reaction might be though, since he will most likely think about the Fabray reputation and expectations, which do not include being kicked out of school for slaughtering a pig. On your way home you decide to just put the paper on the counter for them to come home to, instead of you having to present it to them.

As you get home you notice that your mom's car is parked in the driveway but your dad is still at work. You get inside and go up to your room and collapse on your bed. You lay there, so many different thoughts racing through your mind. But then you go back to the thought that had made you snap earlier. You realise that you actually want to go through with it. That you just don't care anymore. You've screwed everyone else up enough that perhaps this will be the solution to everyone's problems with you. You get up and get a piece of paper and a pen. You write down just that: "I'm so sorry I screwed up everyone's life. I hope this will fix it, or give some comfort with the fact that I won't ever do it again." Leaving the paper on your desk, you go over to your closet. You take out your favorite dress and change into it. You go to the bathroom and touch up your makeup and then just stare at yourself in the mirror for a long while. You take in a deep breath and slowly let it out. You reach for a razor that you had still kept hidden. You make your way over to the bathtub, razor in hand, and sit down in it, legs stretched out in front of you. You raise your left arm, palm up, the metal in your right hand. You align it on your wrist so that the edge is completely resting on a vein. You take another deep breath, close your eyes, let it out, and reopen your eyes. You press down hard into your arm and slowly drag it, with the same ammount of pressure, up to your elbow, following the vein. You go over the path several times, putting more and more force behind every strike each time. You're shaking, blood pouring out of the deep wound down your arm and onto your dress. As you watch the ammount of blood increase every time you reapply the blade to the same wound, you get more and more hysterical; eyes wide with a devilish smile spread across your face while laughing. Once you're satisfied with the damage to your left arm, you switch to make your mark on your right. Once its about as deep as your left arm, you switch back over and make your left arm's even deeper. You continue to go back an forth, the cuts becoming more and more wider and further down into your skin. The scarlet liquid floods out more and more all over you, staining your skin, and you start to feel lightheaded. Its working. It'll all be over soon. You put down the blade and lean back against the tub, looking up at the ceiling. You close your eyes and relax at the feelings of relief that are running through you.

You're almost to the point of blacking out when you get interrupted by a knock on the bathroom door.  
"Quinn honey, you have a phone call. Its Santana" Its your mom. You definetly weren't expecting this. You hope that she just goes away, thinking that you aren't in here.  
"Quinnie? You in there?" she asks. You still don't respond.  
"Quinn if you don't say anything, I'm coming in." Now you want to respond because you can't have her see you like this. Not yet at least. You try to say somthing, but you're unable to. You're too weak, too far past the point to do anything.  
"Quinnie, I don't know what you're doing, but I'm coming in now." The door barges open. You hear something fall to the floor, most likely the phone that she had been holding.  
"OH MY GOD. QUINN!" she shrieks. She fumbles over to you and onto her knees. "No no no no no no no" she frantically checks your pulse on your neck. Its barely there. She lunges over to where the phone was and picks it up. She hangs up on Santana and then dials 911.

"911 what is your emergency?" the operator answers.

"It-it-it-its my d-d-daughter. Sh-shes bl-bleeding to death" she stutters through sobs. "Her-her-her pul-pulse is v-v-v-very weak."

"An ambulance is on it's way ma'am. Is your she conscious?"

"I-I-I'm not s-sure. Her e-eyes are closed and she-shes not-t responding." she soothes her hand over your head. "Quinnie, stay with me."

With all the strength you still have left in you, you somehow mutter "Don't save me."

Then everything fades to black.

.  
**Chapter End Notes:**  
cliffhangarrrrr bwahaha you have to wait probably a week cuz Ima be busy. we're now past the prolouge btw. and uhhh ya, arent my vocab skills so awsome huh.


	11. Chapter 10: The Result

You wake up to the sound of steady beeps. The sounds of screaming echo off in your head. Your eyelids are heavy but after several attempts, you finally get them open. You look around your surroundings with blurry vision, attempting to make out where you are. You try you raise your arms to rub your eyes but they feel slightly restrained. Your right arm has an IV in it, blood slowly going back into your body. Now you remember. You remember what happened. You remember how it all felt. You remember the screams of your mother being the last thing your heard before you blacked out. You remember why you did all of it. And now you realize that you're still alive. You look at your other hand and see your mom sitting in a chair pulled up to your gurney, head laying down next to your leg, and with her hand over yours, gripping it tightly as she sleeps. You carefully take your hand out her grip, only to put it over hers. You start rubbing circles on the back of her hand as a sad smile spreads across your face while you look at her. She'll be angry at you, but more in a sad, loving way. Your father on the other hand... You aren't sure of how he'll react, but it most likely won't be in a positive way like your mother.

Your thoughts are interrupted by her stirring. Her eyes go wide and she gasps when she lifts her head up and sees that you're awake. She tackles you in a hug and you can't help yourself from a soft smile. She pulls back, gripping your shoulders. "Don't you DARE do that to me ever again, okay?" she sternly lectures you but with a crack in her voice. Her eyes start to water before she breaks in a sob and brings you back into a tight hug.  
Your smile fades and all you can manage is slight nodding.

You stay in that position for a while, rubbing her back to try to calm her down her crying. You break your silence.  
"How long have I been in here?"

She sniffs and releases you from the embrace. She looks down at her watch. "About an entire day now: from last night to tonight."

Starring at your hands, you take a slow deep breath in and out before looking into her eyes. "Why did you save me?"

Her eyebrows furrowed "Why /wouldn't/ I. I'm you're mother, I gave birth to you and nurtured you as a child. I gave you life into this world and I would never want to just stand by and watch you leave it."

"Then maybe you should of just left the room so you wouldn't have had to watch it." you respond with a straight face.

The sad and disappointed look in her eyes vanish and are replaced instead with anger. "You know what? I give up with you!" she says as she stands and throws her hands up. She paces in front of you while she continues. "Maybe I'll just let Russell deal with this. He's ashamed of the fact that you attempted suicide and feels that you would've tarnished the Fabray name if you had succeeded with it, especially since it is a huge sin. With that being said, we're sending you off to a christian boarding school that is outside of Lima but still in Ohio. We think it will be a good place where you can repent and find acceptance of yourself and to also just get away from whatever life you had been living that had you wanting to die. I'll get you dropped from McKinley so I can sign you up for it. You'll be going once you're out of here and we'll send you your stuff."

You're stunned at what she has said, but you can't let her know any of your emotions right now. Keeping a straight face again, you respond "don't worry about dropping me out, I already did so myself."

She turns to look at you directly, eyes widening when she realizes that you're not joking.

"I'm guessing you never saw my expulsion papers on the counter in the kitchen then? I put it there for you to notice, seeing as Dad most likely won't be home because of 'work'" you say with air quotes empathized on the word 'work'.

"Wha-" she started.

"Oh don't give me excuses. You know what happens when he stays late or even overnight. He fucks the other ladies there. And you don't do anything about it except stand by and keep letting it happen because you know what can happen if you don't act like his dog. But that doesn't mean that you can't stand up and make a change in your life. Maybe he'll back off. If I'm going to be away, you need to do something because I know he'll treat you even worse since it'll only be you two in the house."

"Whats going on right now isn't about me, and it doesn't need to be. This is about you. You're being sent out of Lima because you need it. You need the fresh air and a new start again. This is it. Therefore, once you're out of here later, someone will come pick you up and drive you to the school. No excuses. You're going."

.

**Chapter End Notes:**  
so like I know I totally left ya'll hangin for like 2 months but there was a good reason! sort of, not really. qq. did comic con with some out of country friends which was a week, so then there was a week backlash from that. and then it kinda went downhill from there and I jus got out of habit :( that or I would try to write at night again but I would majorly fall alseep. BUT Ima start writing during the day now lolol mostly during class I suppose, although itd be awkward if someone were you look to what I was reading. oh well, their loss of mentality. so! Ive already started writting the next chapter. Ive had this one mostly written out for a long time actually but I didnt really feel it was finished but I suppose this'll be ok for now, so if its all weird thats cuz it is, oops. NEXT CHAPTER SOON I PROMISE and if I dont you can poke me everyday until I do ok.

OH also, I had to change the first sentence of the prologue cuz I totes messed up in the previous chapter with it lol


	12. Chapter 11: A New Begining?

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

omg im alive, can you believe that? crazy huh. sorry for the long wait. I had most of it written out physically on paper, but it took me a while to get it typed -_-"

* * *

Three weeks. It took them three weeks before they let you out of the hospital. There was no way to physically punish yourself that would mark you and remind you even more of your failure. Being in the hospital was an embarrassment. You can hear everyone silently laughing at you because you couldn t even succeed at suicide. All you wanted was to get out of there because it made you feel so horrible, but they refused to think you were fine enough to leave. Your mom had called you during the second week, telling you about the school that she s sending you to and to remind you that you re still going. But you had already figured that it was for the best. You don t think you could ever see the people at McKinley again without feeling awkward beyond belief. Especially Rachel, since this was all because of her.

Now that you re walking out of the hospital, you spot a pure black town car with a man standing next to it, waiting. You figure that this is probably your ride that your mom set up, so you walk up to him.

"Are you here to pick up Quinn Fabray?" you ask him.

"Yes I am Miss. Judy Fabray has requested me to escort you to The Florence Mauntell Academy of Arts." he opens the door of the back seat and closes it when you get in. He then gets in the driver s seat, starts the silent engine, and takes off into the mass of other cars.

The drive should take about two to three hours, depending on traffic of course. Your mother packed some of your things from home into a suitcase in the trunk, but she wasn t completely sure what you wanted or would need. he mentions.

"Thank you Mr...?" you leave off in a questioning tone.

"Thomas. You can just call me Mr Thomas." he replies while looking in his rear view mirror at you with a smile.

"Thank you Mr Thomas" you smile back.

\\

The car ride passes fairly slowly when only looking out of the window at the scenery speeding past you. You decide to sleep most of the time since there isn t much else you can do.  
The car comes to a stand still and turns off. You hear one of the car doors opening and closing and you stir out of your sleep against the door. Thomas knew you had been sleeping so he goes to get your luggage out of the trunk while you wake up. You rub the grogginess out of your eyes and slowly climb out of the car.

"I apologize that I cannot go in with you Miss, but I am not allowed to. To get to the Main Office you should go through that building he points to your right. Go to the hall on the right and it should be at the end" he instructs.

"Thank you Mr Thomas" you respond politely and with a soft smile.

"Good luck" he returns the look.

Luggage in hand, you head off to the building. When you get through the doors and look around, you re stunned to a halt. The large open room with its high ceiling and rich creamy marble floor make you stare in awe at the architecture. Silence fills the area but is broken by the sounds from your shoes as you somehow managed to restart your walk to the office. You finally reach a door that has a sign labeling the room as the school s Main Office and you go in.  
You see a woman surrounded by piles of paper and figure that you should talk to her.  
"Uhm.. Excuse me?" you nervously try to get her attention. She looks up from her work to look at you. "Hi I m Quinn Fabray-" you start before you are cut off.

"Ah yes! The transfer student!" she claps her hands in excitement. She jumps up from her desk and energetically shakes hands with you.  
"I love transfer students; I get to take you around the school and show you around and" she drops her voice down to a whisper "it means I get a break from all this paperwork" Changing to her normal voice level, "Speaking of which, we will have to fill out some when we get back from the tour. If you place your bags over by that wall" she points to her right "then we can get started! I m Danica by the way" she beams at you before heading off.

\\

The rest of the school was pretty much the same: very elegant and very, very pristine. During the tour, Danica explains to you which buildings and classrooms contain which teachers and classes and their purpose. Upon arriving at a pair of double doors, you hear singing. You feel like you ve heard the voice before but you can t quite place it. It sounded so angelic, soft, yet sung with passion. You barley register what Danica is talking about because you are so mesmerized by the singing.

"Quinn?"

"Huh?" you snap out of your trance.

"Are you ok?"

"Uhh.. Oh! Ya. Ya, I am. Sorry, the voice from in there is so..."you fade off as you try to come up with words to describe the experience.

"Well, we /are/ and nationally renowned Glee club school. So we have some of the best high school singers in the nation that make up the group! Although, you should be a bit wary of them" she lowers her voice "they can be real bitches sometimes because they believe that they're better than everyone else in the school."

She starts for the next classroom to show you, not realizing that what she said would have any effect on you. But it did, so you re standing there, speechless, realizing that this school may not be as safe as you had thought and hoped it would be. The bell signaling the end of the period rings, breaking your train of thought. You rush to catch up to your tour guide, but with thoughts still racing through your mind.

\\

Although you just went around the school, when you get back to the Main Office, Danica gives you a map with your room number circled in red. You grab your suitcase and head off to the dorms, wondering what your roommate is going to be like. You were told that another transfer student moved in there 2 weeks ago, so you hope that maybe you both will have somthing in common.

You keep your head down as you walk the hallway to your dorm, suitcase in your left hand and looking at a map in your right. When you reach the door, Number 413, you take a deep breath before lifting up your hand and knocking. You hear someone bound over to the door, which makes a small smile spread across your face, before it rips open. In front of you stands a shorter girl, long brown locks, and chocolate eyes. Your smile drops as you realise who it is. So does hers.

"Oh you ve got to be fuckin kidding me" you say in disbelief of seeing Rachel Berry in front of you.

-  
**Chapter End Notes:**

bwahaha cliffhanger. sorry. Ive started writing the next chapter though so yaaar


	13. Chapter 12: And So We Meet Again

**Author's Chapter Notes:**

yaaaay its been forever even though Ive had this writen like.. months ago lmao oops

* * *

Silence envelopes the area while you and Rachel stare at each other, both minds racing: 'Why is she here? Did she know I was here? How? And why?' You wonder if your mom had set you up for this in hope that it would help you. Well, guess what? It definitely doesn t. Maybe this is a dream well, more like a nightmare. You ve suddenly become extremely nervous as you try to decide what you want to say. Maybe 'Sorry, wrong room' would work? You open your mouth to speak, but Rachel beats you to it.

"YOU" she yells. "Fuck you!" you cringe at the new vocabulary she seems to have picked up from somewhere.  
"You knew I was here, didn't you. Who found out? Who told you? I did _not_ change to this school just so you could find me and belittle and ridicule me even more! It was hard enough when the whole school blamed me and treated me like absolute shit for 'telling on you' in order for you to get expelled, which I so did not do nor would I have ever done that, so much that I HAD to change schools because it was so bad." You open your mouth to apologize for everything, that you had no clue that that would happen, that you didn t mean for it to turn out that way. But once again, you are cut off before you can even start.  
"So I'll tell you what. You'll just be wasting your time here because it won't work. You see, I'm not as low on the social ladder as I used to be. In fact, I am just the opposite. So if you think about doing _anything_ to me, you will sorely regret it to the point that you wish you were dead!"

You cringe and cave your body in a bit as those last bitter words come out of her mouth at you. You already _do_ wish you were dead. But she seems to not even know that.  
She's changed since the last time you saw her; she's more...

Your thoughts are interrupted by a soft clearing of a throat. You look up to see some other girls dressed in uniform.  
"Uhm Rachel you ready to go to lunch?" the shortest one of them asked.

"Ya just let me get my purse" she replies as she goes back into the room briefly before coming completely into the hallway and locking the door behind her.  
"Do you have a key?" she asks you. You can't make any words come out of your mouth so you shake your head no. "Good" she smirks. "If you know what's best, you should leave, Quinn" she warns you before turning to her friends and walking towards the staircase, the other girls following her. You hear them talking softly and you try to hear what they re saying.

"You already know the new transfer girl?"

"Ya, she's a nobody though. Treat her however you want, I honestly don't care" Rachel tells them.

You wait until you hear the outside door close before you kneel down and unzip a the front of your suitcase. You find the picture frame containing one of your family photos and open up the back so you can take out the glass. You shove the rest of the frame back into the bag hastily, not even bothering to zip it back up, and lean the suitcase against the wall next to the door before you go downstairs to find a bathroom, the glass hiding in your clothes. There was no way to cut while at the hospital, and your mom had packed your stuff for boarding school so you really didn't have anything else to use. You look on the map to find a bathroom that seems a bit excluded so that you won't be seeing many students there.

###

Lunch ends and Rachel returns to her room. Since she has a free period now, she can basically do whatever she wants. Upon arriving at her door, she notices that your bag is still outside.  
"Quinn?" she calls out for you, but only receives silence. She unlocks the door and goes inside, thinking that maybe you got a key, but after searching the room, she does not find you. Her eyebrows furrow in confusion as to why your suitcase is still in the hall. She goes out to look at it, and she notices a zipper that is open. She reaches in and pulls out the frame which is in parts: the back unlatched and the picture loose. And then she notices that the glass front is missing. She ponders why the frame is in pieces and then...  
Her eyes widen in fear at her realization. She shoots up from her previous position and thinks of where you might be. Scenarios race through her mind of what you might be doing. She sprints off in search of you, if there is anything left.

###

You only slightly take note of the door of the bathroom being burst open and feet rushing in, but you're too busy from being lost in your mind to really care.  
"Quinn?" Rachel rounds the entrance wall and sees you in the corner with a distant look in your eyes, knees held to your chest while rocking yourself back and forth, shattered glass and blood pooled around you. She gasps and rushes to your side on her knees. She takes in how you are taking heavy, shaky breathes while your body is trembling. She tries to calm you down, hugging you to her body and stroking your hair.  
"Shhh, it's ok, it's going to be ok" She notices blood dripping down your shins and she peels your arms away from their death grip on your legs. She tenses at what she sees: bloody gashes along the bone from your kneecaps leading all the way down to your ankles.  
"Oh Quinn..." You snap out of your trance at the tone of your name. "Why?" You slowly turn your gaze towards her, your face neutral. You stare at her, questions running through your mind. 'Why is she here? Why does she care about me? Doesn't she know that this is all because of her? Because of what she does to me? How she makes me feel? Think? Act? Why I hurt myself, try to kill myself? Does she even know that she is the cause of all of this? Why won't she just go away and leave me be?'

After what seems almost like forever, you return your gaze to the wall in front of you.  
"Go away" you flatly demand. But when you remember how Rachel had been so stubborn before, it explains why she doesn't budge.  
"Do you like watching me bleed? Does it make you feel satisfied?" you ask, venom in your voice.

"Of course not!" she answers in disbelief. "Why would I want to do that? I'm not a terrible person like that, Quinn."

"Just leave me be. Please..." you softly request, but with a broken voice.

"No" she says forcefully.

Startled by the way she answered you, you swiftly turn your head towards her. You look into her eyes and see pure concern. You don't understand... Why does she care?  
You treated her like shit; she should return the treatment. But she never once degraded you for all that you did to her or made you apologize for it. In fact, it seems like she withstands all of it because she knows what you are going through; even though she does not know it is because of her. And even if she may not be able to relate to your pain, she still wants to help you. And you just can't understand why she thinks you're worth it. You face forward again and close your eyes so you don't have to keep seeing her emotions. You hear a squeak of shoes and then water running. A moment later you feel something wet being placed on your legs. Opening your eyes, you see Rachel cleaning up the blood on you. You go to grab her arm to stop her, but she swats your hand away. It's embarrassing how she is willing to clean up your mess, so you look away so you don't have to watch. You start to feel drowsy, most likely from the blood loss, but it could also be because of Rachel. Your eyes droop and eventually shut completely. You barley register the feeling of yourself being lifted up and carried bridal style.

###

Rachel brings you her room... Your room. She lays you down on her bed since the extra bed is currently only a mattress without sheets or anything. She sits next to you, brushing her fingers through your hair soothingly.  
"I'll be back in a couple minutes. I'm going to go get some things to help stop the bleeding some more ok?" she doesn't wait for you to respond before getting up and leaving to go to the nurse's office.  
While fast-walking, she tries to come with a reason to give for wanting bandages. Upon arriving to the nurse's office, she has come up with the idea of saying that they're for a class project. Somehow, the nurse believes her, but only gives a limited amount. She hopes that it'll be enough and races back up to her room to find that you've completely passed out.  
Gently in order to not wake you up, she cleans and wraps your wounds. When she looks at the clock she realizes that she's going to be late for her next class, so she gathers her books and papers for class. But before she leaves, she kneels next to you, smoothing your hair down again.  
"I'll be back soon ok" she whispers to you even though you're completely out and can't hear anything. She kisses your forehead and then gets up and exits the room.

-  
**Chapter End Notes:**

ok so like mmmm idk if I'll continue with this... its been a long time since Ive had feelings of cutting n stuff (blame the meds hurhur). But I suppose I can try, now that Ive gone over the story again.  
BUT! I do need some assistance. gimme yo ideas on what should happen next, cuz I dont think I have anything in specific planed yet so yaaa halp me out hurr ok tyty ily


End file.
